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The value of the chick flick. :P

(This wasn't meant to become a long entry, and yet...)

There's something very self-medicating about watching a lot of 'chickflick' tv and movies. I've always fallen back, somewhat lamely, I realise, on shows like 'Sex & The City' and 'Friends' to make me feel better about the fact I'm in my late twenties, not entirely sure where I'm going in life, and not in a relationship. I'll admit, it conflicts a lot with the fact I spend my life watching teenage (highschool) movies and identify 100% with characters who are supposed to be ten years younger than me, but hey. I takes what I can gets.

Lately they've helped in another way, though. I've got this crush on this guy. To be frank, I absolutely adore him. I met him through Team Fortress 2, have met him irl several times now and really just plain like him. He's cute, funny, interesting enough to talk to for hours and hours and hours on end, and we get on very well. The trouble is that he's a lot younger than me, and that he is hopelessly in love with another girl.

I'll be honest with ya, it's a bit of a drag.

In a weird, weird, messed up, deluded way, however, it's kind of ...nice? And it's nice because I know what I'm feeling and doing here is normal. I've seen enough television to know this happens all the bloody time. There are a thousand movies on the topic. Girl likes guy. Guy likes girl, but only as a friend. Girl sulks, and either eventually somehow gets the guy anyway, or moves on.

I dunno what to make of this guy. He gives me conflicting signals. He's into this girl he's known for years as a family friend, but seems a little bit resigned to the fact she lives in Ireland and he lives in London and they can Never Work, or something. That said, they're meeting up again this weekend (note to self; preoccupy brain this weekend) for the... third time? (I've met him irl more times than she has :P) because her family and his family get together once a year for a carnival in Somerset. I'm just waiting for him to tell me they're gonna make it work and that they're in a 'long distance relationship' now and blahh. And I can't say anything about it, of course, because I'm just a really good mate.

I half wonder if I kinda ruined it for myself. When I first met him, I made it very apparently I was older and he was a kid and blahblahblah. Which was stupid because I get on with them all so damned well, despite the fact I'm older than all my TF2 buddies. He said things like 'if you were younger, I'd be all over you'. We flirt (which doesn't say much. I flirt with all guys :P), and when I met him the other week, we... well we just click so damned well.

Ever since he split from his girlfriend earlier this year, he's been open to "playing the field', asking various girls out (with mixed success, heh), but all the time he's wanted to be with this Irish girl. I don't know what he's waiting for, which is why I wonder if he's just resigned to the distance being a problem. I wonder if I'd only told him how I felt, if he would have turned his attention towards me. Because I make it pretty clear I'm NOT interested (because I don't want him knowing I am when he isn't) I wonder if he's also resigned to the fact that I am older and want him only as a friend. I just don't know what to do about it, frankly, because I don't want to get in the way of his relationship with her, if one ever happens, but I'm going crazy wondering if I should just open my mouth and SAY something.

When we said g'bye at London Expo the other week, I hugged him bye like I do anyone, and he squeezed me so damned tight, and lifted me off the ground. He got off the train and reached out to me as he walked away, then sat down on the chair and waited for the train to pull away before he left. He sent me a text immediately afterwards. It was just so damned nice. I know he thinks the world of me (he's told me as much), and it's absolutely crazy to think I've ony known him six months. I, just, ugh. If he wasn't meeting this Irish girl this weekend I'm sure I'd have mentioned something.

The sad thing is, even if he said "Reaper, I'm in love with you, let's hook up," a HUGE chunk of me would be wondering if I'm only his replacement for her because I'm local. He said when he was with his (now ex) girlfriend, a part of him wanted to be with the Irish girl, and boy, that makes me feel great.

Ah. I dunno. Like I say, it's nice really to have such normal feelings, even if they're utterly depressing. Meeting him irl is both wonderful and heartbreaking. Sadly, because of this, I've been watching a LOT of girlie shows, because they deal with this crap on a daily basis. It's nice to know that despite it all being a bit grim, it's all very, very normal. We'll see how I feel after this weekend when his facebook status changes, but for now I'll just ride along and drink my cider (not wine, because I'm not Bridget Jones just yet.)



( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 4th, 2009 12:50 pm (UTC)
From the way you describe it, he's going to at least have to try to be with the Irish girl for her to get her out of his system. Either it'll succeed and they go off to live over the rainbow somewhere, or it'll fail and he'll know he tried and get over her. If he does nothing then the "what if" will probably taint all his future relationships to a varying degree. I mean it will probably lessen with time, but they'll always be a bit of him kicking himself for not trying.
That said, LDRs suck. :P

It sounds like he probably likes you too, but is already emotionally committed to pursuing the other girl. That'll have to make or break before he's clear to pursue you.
I'm sure the silly boy doesn't know half what he's missing. :)
Nov. 4th, 2009 01:35 pm (UTC)
It sounds like he probably likes you too, but is already emotionally committed to pursuing the other girl.

That is EXACTLY how I think it is, yeah. I guess I'll just have to see how it goes, because you're right, I think he'd always wonder 'what if' if he didn't try with her. Sucks though, because I can see it WORKING and I want him :( haha

(He's the guy who was sat next to me pretty much all the time in the pub that sunday night at Expo *sighs*)
Nov. 4th, 2009 01:57 pm (UTC)
*hugs* You were visibly hanging on.. well not going to say "his every word", but on his attention. I must say I wondered.

From my experience, letting him know directly like Nick suggests is a double-edged sword. It might snap him out of the fantasy relationship with the Irish girl, or it might just as easily make him stuck and unable to commit to either of you. :/

I discovered mulled mead later that same evening by the way. I'd recommend it as a curative to these concerns alright. Come up the Pembury, I'll buy you one.
Nov. 4th, 2009 02:05 pm (UTC)
Ooh, mulled anything (cider, wine, mead) heals all, I'm sure of it.

From my experience, letting him know directly like Nick suggests is a double-edged sword. It might snap him out of the fantasy relationship with the Irish girl, or it might just as easily make him stuck and unable to commit to either of you. :/

Heh, or it could send him packing and right into her arms anyway. I like to think if I told him, at least I'd get the closure and hopefully our friendship is strong enough to survive it. I suppose I just gotta wait and see if anything happens from her meeting him again irl, I guess.

I must say I wondered.

Heh, I'm that subtle, huh? :P Did it remotely look like he was returning the interest? From an outside perspective?

Edited at 2009-11-04 02:06 pm (UTC)
Nov. 4th, 2009 08:21 pm (UTC)
Still never tried mulled cider.. must change that!

From what I recall, he looked enthused to be talking to you certainly. Though you were the one I knew directly there, so caught my attention a lot more! (though to look at you that shouldn't be surprising, right? :) )
I wouldn't quite say "boyish glee", but something in that direction, stopping before we hit Charlie's Chocolate Factory.
Nov. 4th, 2009 01:47 pm (UTC)
One thing I've learned over time is that subtle hints just plain don't work - even obvious subtle hints (oxymoron ahoy!). If you want him to know you like him, ask him out :)

It sounds like he does like you, too. I don't know many guys that would behave like you've described when they weren't interested.
Nov. 5th, 2009 04:17 pm (UTC)
Talking of Ponycon reminds me of something I wanted to say:

The blonde haired girl called Claire's ponyname is Baby Harmony and not brundog79. I just realized I had the wrong person and spent all the Ponycon calling her Hayley!

Nov. 5th, 2009 04:37 pm (UTC)
LOL!! It was REALLY annoying me because I knew her REAL name but had a TOTAL mental blank on her old Ponyname!! Shows I'm getting old. :D
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )